Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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