Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
