i think i have two assholes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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