There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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