I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
