I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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