Are we in a gay sports bar?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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