why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
