I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
