Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
