This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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