we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
