The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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