He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
