oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you never un-have a 4some
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
