Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
