so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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