Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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