When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
