I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
