i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
