New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
