we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
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