He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You're like the curious george of whores
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
ok first of all what the fuck
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
