How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
