Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
