Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
