I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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