you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
