So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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