i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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