i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
