we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
