I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
