Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
