I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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