are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
