Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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