Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize