3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
