He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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