At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
