Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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