Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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