I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize