alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize