How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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