i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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