So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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