EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
