I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
do herpes really smell.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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