Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
