Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
