I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
