yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
