Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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