I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
