apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
do herpes really smell.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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