those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
