why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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